1 Simple Trick for Knowing When to Set Boundaries
I've always been good at setting boundaries.
Friends often joke that I could get paid to set boundaries for other people.
Whether it's figuring out how to address a freelance client who has gone way, way out of scope or letting my (now ex, thank god) mother-in-law know when it's time to back off, I've gotten pretty damn good at drawing lines around my self.
I know it's not that easy for everyone, though.
It's not just setting boundaries that can be hard. Even knowing when you should set one can be confusing.
Am I being too sensitive? <---- one of the main questions I hear when people are questioning if they should set a boundary.
I promise it doesn't have to be hard.
Knowing when to set a boundary is as simple as asking yourself: does this feel heavy?
If it, whatever it is, does feel heavy then, yes, you should absolutely set a boundary.
It is not your problem if people feel bad because you've set a boundary with them. Your boundaries aren't there for them -- they are there to help you protect your physical, mental, and emotional energy.
Boundaries are there to help you protect your peace.
Ok, wait. What if you can't tell if something feels heavy?
- a pit in your stomach
- feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness
- the sense that you're being disrespected
- feeling like you have to shrink down to accommodate the situation
- not wanting to be around that person
- finding yourself thinking about the person/situation over and over again
Look, I get it. Boundaries are hard sometimes, especially when dealing with someone you love.
But if something is happening that makes you feel heavy, it's your right to draw a big circle around yourself with permanent marker and demand that the line is not crossed.
Tell me: is setting boundaries hard for you? Easy? Do you have any tricks to share?